How to keep Christmas amicable after separation or divorce

Christmas is supposed to be a happy and joyful time of year, but for recently divorced or separated couples it can be one of the most emotionally challenging periods, particularly if children are involved. The pressure to “make Christmas perfect”, the expectations of your extended family, and the understandable desire to spend as much time as possible with the children can all add strain at a time that should feel positive.

If you’re navigating your first Christmas after separation, or you’ve been separated for some time, but arrangements are still unsettled, you are not alone. Many parents find December difficult - but with some planning and clear communication, it is possible to keep things amicable and give your children a Christmas that feels stable and enjoyable.

Below is a practical guide to help parents in Crowborough, Haywards Heath and surrounding areas to manage the festive season in a way that keeps tension low and the focus firmly on the children.

Acknowledge That Christmas May Feel Different

It’s completely normal for Christmas to feel strange or emotional after a separation. Traditions that once felt familiar may no longer be possible, and both parents may feel a sense of loss.

Acknowledging this - rather than trying to pretend everything is the same - often reduces pressure. Many families eventually create new traditions that feel just as meaningful. The early years are rarely perfect, and that’s okay.

Put the Children First

This may sound obvious, but during Christmas disagreements it can easily get lost. When thinking about arrangements, try to step back and ask:

What would make Christmas easiest and most enjoyable for the children?

Often the answer is simple:

· predictable routines

· low levels of conflict

· knowing in advance where they’ll be and when

· being shielded from any adult negotiations

Family law is built around the idea of the child’s best interests. Courts expect parents to cooperate wherever possible and will only intervene when required. The more parents can work together, the calmer the holiday season becomes for everyone.

Plan Christmas Contact Arrangements Early

The most common cause of Christmas conflict is leaving arrangements until the last minute. December is busy, schools close early, work pressures rise, and small misunderstandings can escalate quickly. Agreeing plans early avoids most problems.

Common Christmas arrangements include:

· Alternating Christmas Day each year

· Splitting Christmas Day (one parent has Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, the other has the afternoon and evening)

· One parent has Christmas Day, the other has Boxing Day

· Following the same pattern every year for predictability

There is no legal “right” way to divide Christmas; what matters is that the arrangements are clear, fair, and fit the children’s needs.

Once you’ve agreed, confirm everything in writing - even a simple email or message is helpful. It avoids misunderstandings later.

Communicate Clearly and Kindly

Even if relations are strained, clear and polite communication helps keep everyone grounded. A few simple approaches make a big difference:

· Stick to the plan-focused facts

· Avoid emotional or accusatory language

· Keep messages brief

· Don’t negotiate in front of the children

· If communication is difficult, consider using a parenting app or email instead of text

A good rule of thumb is to write messages as if they might one day be read by a judge. This naturally encourages more measured wording.

If you feel a conversation is heading toward conflict, take a break and return to it later.

Create New Traditions That Work for Your New Family Setup

Although Christmas might look different after separation, it can still be meaningful and enjoyable. Many families eventually find comfort in new traditions that fit their new circumstances.

These could be as simple as:

· a Christmas Eve film night

· a morning walk to see local Sussex Christmas lights

· a special breakfast you save for Boxing Day

· visiting local events or community cafés

Children often adapt far more easily than adults - especially when new traditions are created with enthusiasm rather than reluctance.

Manage Expectations with Extended Family

Grandparents, siblings, and in-laws often have strong views about how Christmas “should” be spent. Their intentions are usually good, but their opinions can add pressure.

Setting firm but polite boundaries can prevent conflict. It’s okay to say things like:

· “We’ve agreed the plan for this year and want to keep things simple for the children.”

· “Let’s make the most of the time we do have together.”

Extended family members may simply need reassurance that they will still be included.

What If You Can’t Reach an Agreement?

If communication has completely broken down and there is no way to sort things out with your ex-partner, then early professional help can prevent matters escalating.

Options include:

· Mediation - a neutral mediator helps you find a practical agreement

· Solicitor-assisted negotiation

· Parenting plans - written agreements covering Christmas and other special occasions

· Child Arrangement Orders - where a court sets out the plan (used only when necessary)

Seeking support does not mean you’re “fighting”. It simply gives clarity - and in many cases, reduces conflict.

Whatever your situation this Christmas, we hope you have a happy one.